This is when a hotel knows it's made it: W London stars in a short porn story

The W Porn in a fitting location

I’m sitting in bed with a mug of hot chocolate, reading some moderately hardcore porn. Not because that’s what I like to do of an evening (tbh, I’d rather be watching TOWIE tonight), but because this afternoon I walked into the W London, up to the check in desk, asked for a copy of “the naughty story”, was escorted over to the concierge desk and handed a plain white envelope.

Through the window of the WLLS-branded envelope, it said: "Some places just make you think about sex."

And then off it went. For five pages. I didn’t want to read it in the bar, so I saved it for hometime, to read with my Vegas stripper mug.

It’s quite special, see (as if the W would peddle any old porn). It’s a risque short story written by Naomi Alderman for the hotel (as thanks for a stay last month – how deliciously Picasso), revolving around the antics of a model-starlet during a stay at the W. It includes doing the nasty up against the window, Standard NYC-style, encounters in the gym, the screening room, a suite and against the shelves of sexy plates in the Lounge (sexy plates get broken. That I don’t approve of.)

Anyway, while admitting that I’m not a connoisseur of porn, literary or not, it’s very well written - more Henry Miller (minus the misogyny) than Literary Review Bad Sex Awards (congrats, Naomi, I shall read more of your stuff now). Mr W has asked me not to spill the whole thing here; first, because it would be contravening porn laws, but more importantly, because they want you to come and get it from the hotel itself.

Yes, all guests can request a copy, but so can all passers by, starting from this afternoon. Just ask the concierge, and he’ll whip it out from under the desk. Or try any of the other staff members – the check in guy I asked took one for himself, as well. “I think I could do with a read of the naughty story too,” he said, tucking it away discreetly. I could tell he was itching to give me a Sid James-style wink. And that is why I love the W.

In the meantime, here's a sample para (one of the few I dare reproduce):

She brings them back, long after dark. The hotel lives all night. There are waiters and staff and people ready to say “is there anything I can do for you?” all through the dark hours and into the dawn. But on this occasion she’s able to say: leave. Just leave. Now, for an hour or so. There’s a thing she’s been meaning to do, here in the lounge bar with a wall of plates from floor to ceiling high above.

If only more places did product placement like this.